Why do we change?

Kirschenbaum's goal — convince people that treason is not only permissible, but also forgivable. First of all, this is due to the man's desire to find himself. & laquo; For a long time in your life there are forces that do not allow you to be yourself, express yourself. New romance — this is the best way to stand up for your own "I & raquo ;, — writes Kirschenbaum.

Sexual panic

& llquo; You feel that your sexual powers are gradually decreasing, which leads you to a state of panic, and then you get a novel on the side to prove to yourself that you are strong as before & raquo ;, — the author writes.

To change can also push the desire to raise self-esteem, as well as a desire to check — & laquo; are you still able to please & raquo;.

Randomness

There are situations when cheating happens accidentally. Random communication, according to Kirshenbraum, arises even when you do not strive for it, but simply & laquo; were in the wrong place and at the wrong time & raquo;.

Checking Relationships

Treason can be a kind of checking relationships. In this case, if one of the partners becomes aware of the change, it will either destroy the marriage or make it even stronger.

Crisis of marriage

Most often, spouses start a relationship on the side when the marriage is in crisis. As a rule, problems arise after several years of marriage. In this case, Kirschenbaum sees sense in trying to save the marriage, and this can only be done if both spouses give each other enough time and attention.

Finding a more suitable option

& laquo; When you have made significant progress in life, and your spouse is behind, a natural reaction may be to seek a relationship on the side with someone who, in your opinion, better suits your requirements & raquo ;, — says the therapist. This phenomenon Kirschenbaum describes as the desire to "sell themselves more expensively".

Curiosity

A similar situation arises when people can not realize their needs together with their current partner. In this case, they seek from others what they could not get from their spouse. In addition to dissatisfaction, the traitor can be guided by curiosity. & laquo; You start a novel to check if you can get with someone else something that failed to achieve in marriage. If this is possible, the question arises: — Is the difference really as large as previously thought? & raquo ;, — writes Kirschenbaum.

The desire to gain experience

If one of the spouses had not many partners before marriage, then he feels that he has not gained important experience. A person finds a way out of this situation in a new relationship.

Let's add passions

For some people, betrayal is dictated by the desire to add fire to the cooling relationships & raquo ;. Subconsciously, you hope that treason or just rumors about it that will reach your spouse will make your relationship more passionate & raquo ;, — the psychotherapist writes.

Revenge

Treason can also be a weapon of revenge. & laquo; When you are angry with your spouse for hurting you, you start a new romance to get revenge, even if the spouse never learns of your adventures & raquo;

Award for hard work

Describing the relationship of former US President Bill Clinton and his secretary Lewinsky, the therapist calls the "mistake" & raquo; Clinton's simple and justified desire to reward himself for his hard work. & laquo; This may not be fair, but the fact is that you worked so hard that cheating — this is the best way you know to make yourself enjoyable & raquo ;, — explains Kirschenbaum.