育儿指南
I myself am a young mother. For example, in these books, an article titled “How to Make Routine Tasks More Pleasant” really made me laugh. It suggested that you should imagine yourself dying of cancer the next day and that it would be your last day on earth. The authors assumed that a mother who was constantly bothered by her child would be overjoyed at the thought and would eagerly spend every remaining minute of her life, even finding pleasure in tasks as simple as washing diapers. I, however, didn’t decide to try this method. I was really afraid that if I did, I might start acting so differently that I would put my child with my mother, steal my husband’s credit card, and go to a male strip club to have some fun… just so I would have something memorable in my next life.These so-called “smart” books weren’t any better than ordinary magazines. They suggested calling the emergency services if your child vomited, scared you with descriptions of children’s menus that included things like steamed meatballs, and advised you how to find comfort in all the responsibilities associated with raising a child.In the section containing advice on sex after childbirth (which was supposed to be gentle and quiet), I burst out laughing, closed the magazine, and sat down to write a plan for my own research efforts – in order to at least prepare young mothers in some way for the harsh realities of motherhood.
Regarding Image The slender, beautifully made women depicted in these magazines, with their flawless makeup and radiating maternal love, and those who seemingly effortlessly hold those tiny, scaly baby dolls in their hands – none of them can serve as an example for you at all! A real mother is like a zombie with wild eyes and tangled feet, struggling to push a wobbly stroller through the park, while her baby screams inside. At home, she might be wearing a ragged bathrobe and having untidy hair, eating leftovers of porridge, sausages, and dumplings, and she would be willing to kill her husband if he were just 2 minutes late coming home from work… and she would secretly hate herself for that. Sometimes, she even screams at him – especially when he rushes straight to play video games as soon as he walks in the door and doesn’t even notice her... Yes, such things really happen! Just accept it. Everyone goes through this, but for some reason, almost no one admits it. Buy yourself a few stylish bathrobes in advance and change them every day. At least that will add some variety to your life.
Regarding Sex There is no sex after childbirth! Well, maybe only crazy people would want to have sex – people who even get inappropriate ideas when they see a baby bottle with a nipple. Normal mothers are too exhausted at night that the thought of any kind of physical contact, even with their husbands, sends shivers down their spine. So it’s better to prepare your husband in advance for this “sad fact”. Even better – assign him some of the responsibilities related to taking care of the baby. That way, he might start feeling interested too.
Regarding Mutual Understanding If your baby is crying and you just can’t calm him down, and you feel like giving up, don’t hesitate – cry together with him. I guarantee that within two minutes, after you both have sincerely expressed your frustration, your baby will start smiling, or even laughing heartily. Babies love watching adults cry; they find this sight absolutely fascinating.
Regarding Complexes Key Points: Phrases like “My baby’s teeth came in so quickly I didn’t even notice!” should be interpreted as “Aside from the high fever, his constant tantrums, his desire to chew on everything within reach, and his night cries that happen every 40 minutes…” “My baby has been sleeping in his own bed since birth!” – “Yes, but I still have to get up five times at night to rock him to sleep, and at four in the morning, I give up and take him to my bed.” “Breastfeeding is so easy and pleasant!” – “If you ignore the three cases of mastitis, the soaked nursing clothes, the strict diet I have to follow, the teeth that are constantly grinding against my breasts, and the fact that I can’t leave home for more than two hours at a time…” “I only hold my baby in my arms when it’s absolutely necessary!” – “That is, five or six hours a day.” “My baby already talks so well!” – “I can barely distinguish ‘gy’, ‘lya?’ and ‘vyga’ from his incoherent sounds… I wonder what they actually mean…” “My husband enjoys taking care of our baby for long periods of time!” – “Yesterday, he held the baby under his arm while playing video games for 15 minutes straight!” Regarding Getting Everything Done Regarding Proper Diet The top five most popular foods among young mothers are actually harmful, tasteless, and quick to prepare… but that doesn’t mean you have to eat them! They are: dumplings, pasta, crab sticks, bread, and a salad made from dumplings, pasta, crab sticks, and bread. Regarding Everyday Hazards By the time your baby turns one year old, the phrase “Did you fall off a stove when you were a child?” will take on a completely different meaning for you… because by that age, there won’t be a single piece of furniture left in your house that your child wouldn’t have already fallen off at some point! Regarding Motherly Love Moments of maternal love usually occur in two situations: when your baby is sleeping or when you boast about him to others. Try to control yourself. Babies really don’t like to be awakened, not even with passionate kisses… and it’s really similar to the symptoms of a worsening schizophrenia – you end up talking about yourself in the plural, rolling your eyes, and spitting out words of admiration. People who aren’t parents are often terrified by this behavior... Regarding Fanatics<> Despite all the advice given above and many other things, your life will still seem like a complete mess to you – and that’s completely normal! But that’s not the worst part… The really scary thing is that in a few months, you’ll completely forget about all these problems! Because now you have a little baby at home… who has your clever tricks and naughty habits… Isn’t that happiness? And soon enough, you’ll get to watch your child grow up… And that will be even more challenging! =)
Aliya Bulatova
为您的项目寻找最佳专业人士
维修、建设和装修专家随时准备帮助您
